Pole Dancing and Harassing British Tourists - Local Mexican Customs

Well, it's been a long time, hasn't it? That's because I've been busy. First off, I moved out of my shed - so I suppose I need to change the name of my blog now - and into a new, very toxic house on the lake. In the process, I got a piece of plastic embedded in my eye. But don't you worry; I got that nasty thing out just in time to hit the Cancun Strip.

That's right, folks, I went to Cancun with my friend Elenda and engaged in the local tradition of pole dancing with stunningly gorgeous metrosexuals while Elenda was shellacking some prime Costa Rican chest with her saliva on the dance floor. I also created a new tradition of my own: harassing British tourists and forcing them to admit that they are alcoholics. It was great fun (but not all that challenging)! Oh, and the staff at our low budget all-inclusive was wonderful! In fact, I can't wait to tell Travelocity readers about the pool bartender who begged me to allow him to shave my buttocks and the dinner waiter who managed to stick his tongue between my teeth. It was right up there with being groped (and I'm not just talking about the "back door" either) by a bug-eyed drunken Mexican man while he was dancing with another woman!!

In truth, we met soooo many wonderful people - mostly men - but all absolutely beautiful inside and out! And it didn't hurt my ego any to be propositioned by hotties half my age. But I behaved and was quite relieved when I didn't have to hide from anyone the next day (well, except for the staff members mentioned above!). I will say one thing, though; it is NOT a good idea to smoke anything before you go to the airport...

Being there, Elenda and I came up with the idea to open our own bar (it might have had something to do with the fact that we were headlining at the one in the hotel the entire time we were there). We could have cool theme nights like, "Animal Look Alike Night" (what would you be?) and "The Wet Peter Contest". You know, anyone named Peter would get up on stage and then we would hose them down and vote! What did you think I meant?

Upon my return, I have been settling in and trying to find a way to deal with the formaldehyde that is finding its gaseous little self into my lungs and onto my skin. Ahhh, that new house smell. I have had rashes, burning skin, headaches, upper respiratory infections, and breathing difficulty. I now have to go and get needles stuck in my body to help me deal with it. I love my acupuncturist though. He's cool!! He's a brainy, flamenco guitarist who speaks several languages and is trained as a medical and alternative doctor. Talk about HEP!! And the best part about him is that he really cares about helping people. He's like a Stephen, but with a heart and a commitment to my well-being.

So, as most of you know, or I should say, ALL OF YOU know - since no one reads this - I have officially started putting my songs somewhere. If you don't know me and you want to know what the h-e-double-hockey stick I am talking about, I am talking about www.taxi.com/michellesiviarossman where I am posting my songs as I get them recorded. Now, when I say "recorded" I mean it in the simplest way. ME +ME ATTEMPTING TO PLAY THE KEYBOARD WITHOUT F*&^ING UP TOO OFTEN+my musician friend, John, playing with an equalizer + ME ATTEMPTING TO SING (it's not always a good thing, I admit) into a very expensive microphone. All this is happening in one cut (no do-overs allowed) amidst musty cellar walls, old fans and bicycles, and Ghod knows whose bones!!! Hey, you know what they say - beggars can't be choosers. Well, that's not really true, because this one time we offered an apple to a homeless guy and he asked us which kind it was because he couldn't eat Granny Smith.

Okay, well, I just wanted to catch up with the universe and get things off my mind...I am busy trying to stay alive and get some music done when I am not sick or getting needles stuck in my face.

I will let you know how it goes.

Yours truly,

Ima P. Nesseder