Babies and Rabies: Is There a Difference?

Some of you think that I don’t have maternal instinct. So? Why is it that after so much has been discussed and written about the issue, it is so hard for some people to accept that not all of the humans born with the ability to incubate other humans actually want to? Some do. Some do not. And don't tell me you wish you could, guys, 'cuz you have NO IDEA what you are talking about! It's all just fantasy talk. The real tragedy is for those who should be able to and want to, but can't. That sucks. For them. For me, it’s not that I have anything personally against any human being under the age of eight, I just don’t really have an interest in that AGE BRACKET. It's a numbers thing. Basically, I just don't GET IT. Why would you want to have your stomach extended beyond repair, have hemorrhoids, gastrointestinal difficulties, severe mood swings, back pain, and swollen extremities for several months so that you can scream in pain while your vagina is torn open by a human HEAD?And then, women say that babies smell good. Really? I think lilacs smell better. So does peanut butter. And they don’t ALWAYS smell good, anyways. Sometimes they smell just like the pooh that gets stuck in my dog’s butt hair. Or mine for that matter. And you can’t have any kind of meaningful conversation with a one or two year-old. Three on up? They're messy, sassy, and waaaaay too needy. Look, I am going to have to take care of my mother when she wears diapers and has to be restricted from using kitchen appliances…and I think that will be enough care taking for me, thank you. Besides, let's face it, if you know me then you know how hard it is for me to get myself fed and onto the right bus each day. It doesn't mean I don't enjoy my younger family members. I do - for short periods of time. I LOVE to play. So, it’s not like I don’t hold my nieces and nephews when I have to…and it’s not like I don’t enjoy playing four games in four minutes with them when I have to…and sure I think they are cute…it’s just that I would rather interact with them once they turn eight and can actually make me some french toast when I'm hungry and program my MP3 player for me.

Now, you may wonder what Babies and Rabies have to do with each other. Well, they rhyme now, don't they? But they also have something to do with my next comment about being back home. You see, my family, bless their little hearts, don't go anywhere. They all live within a two-hour radius from each other. They are true New Yorkers. Lifers. I, on the other hand, cannot seem to stay in one place for very long. I am always searching for a new experience, always looking for my next "home". They, on the other hand, ARE home and ARE content. They are more Buddhist-like than I will probably ever be. Ain't it ironic?

What I love about coming home from living or visiting someplace else is that they show absolutely NO interest whatsoever in any place I have ever been. They simply don't care. And while this bothers some of my friends (like you, Glandar), it doesn't bother me one bit. You see, it's reciprocal. I don't give a sheet what they did while I was gone, so why should they pretend to care about my life while I was gone? Like I said, I have no problem with that. We mutually accept and respect each other's apathy and indifference. From a cognitive perspective, if I am here, then they can understand and relate to my life...if I am gone, I have no life. In other words, they still think that if they close their eyes, I can't see them. Catch my drift?

Oh, so what does that all have to do with rabies? Well, case in point: I run into my father after two years and the first thing he says to me is that he recently got bit by a raccoon that had rabies. I waited for twenty minutes for him to tell me every last detail of the story while I poked myself repeatedly in the eye. That set the tone for the entire day's interaction. Now, my sister has three children - all funny, smart, and adorable (yes, I said that) - but all under the age of eight (the magic number) - so while she makes some attempts to engage me in conversation about my life, my responses ineluctably get interrupted by comments from her to her children. The initial conversation went something like this:

Sister: "So, how was Thailand?"
Me: "Oh, it was..."
Sister (in stern tone): "JAAAAKE. Hey, Jake. Look at me. Make the right choice, buddy! Okay?" She looks at him intently while holding my other nephew, Carter, as he chews on a bug. She looks back at me briefly, "Oh, I'm sorry, what?"
Me: "Oh, I was just going to say that..."
Sister: "Sadie! What did I tell you before we got out of the truck? No. No. What did I tell you?"(We wait for her to remember and respond appropriately.)"Where's your father? Miiiiike!" He hears her and comes to watch over the kids. She again turns to me as she takes the bug out of Carter's mouth. "I'm sorry. What did you say? Was the food good? I friggin' hate fish sauce, you know."
Me: "Speaking of fish sauce (sniff sniff)..."
Sister: "Oh, I'm sorry. Carter needs a diaper change. Can you hold on a minute?"

My aunt and uncle, who aren't that much older than I am in years, have a home where I lived before I left for Korea and where I am living now. They view me as part of their home...like a pet. This time around, I'd been staying in their house for five days before my aunt actually came in to hug me and say welcome home. The first four days they just carried out their lives as if I'd been in my room with the door closed for the past year and half. I think it's related to the cognitive element I mentioned above. I feel a bit like a ghost they have just accepted and learned to live with and, to be honest, I don't mind.

The other reason I don't care that they don't care is that I am, by nature, more private than some people, particularly the 35 and under folks. They seem to have this narcissistic, exhibitionist attitude of "Look at me! Look at me!" that I often see played out in cyberspace and on reality TV shows. It makes me uncomfortable, but I know that it's a personal issue, one that I will have to address more fully at a later date (oh, and I will!).

For now, I am going to bed.

On a happy note: I am glad that raccoons and silkworm larvae are not staples of the American diet.

99,

Ima C. Sell