Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Ar-kansas and Costa Reecker

If you've read any prior blog entries, then you know that "I am a money magnet!" right? Well, someone needs to tell that to the fine State of Arkansas! And you might tell it to the other university I applied to, too - (apparently they never got my resume).

Now, in AR-KANSAS, these fine people know a gem (or sucker) when they see one. In fact, they were so impressed with my resume and experience as a teacher that they called me right up and started quizzing me on grammar (at 9 am EST). I passed the test by the way (although I was tempted to turn on the computer and Google a few of them just to make sure). Apparently, not everyone does pass this test, so they were tres impressed. So impressed, in fact, that they wanted to fly me out there next week for a potluck. It seemed like I was i-t-it there for a minute and then it happened. The mention of a (cough, cough, removal of phlegm) "salary", which they referred to as "lean". Now, I am all for lean, but not when it comes to my salary! These people tried to convince me that, although the salary is quite low, I mean, "lean", for a twelve-month, full-time position at a university, that it is, indeed, possible to live on it. Really? I suppose I could live on $28,000 dollars a year, before taxes, if I put it under my house, but why should I have to? If I had a two-year degree I would make more money than that. I know this because most people around me have two-year degrees and they make more money than that. I could see it if I were starting out in the field, as well, but I ain't! I have paid my dues and I have a ton o' skills to offer - all of which they need! Sadly enough, I had to decline. First of all, I can't live on that and, second of all, it undervalues what I do. Now you may wonder why I even bothered applying for the position in Arkansas, especially when Kansas isn't that far away, and so they should know by now how to pronounce it, but the area seems nice and the program is pretty dynamic, so...? Who knew? But, I do have to say, generally speaking, if employers don't post a salary on a job site, then you probably aren't getting one.

Speaking of spelling and two-year degrees, I should tell you that I stopped to get gas the other day and the manager of the station had put signs up on all the gas tanks that read: "Please knowt your pump number before you come into the store to pay. " What's funny is that I am not sure if they just accidentally put a "t" on the printouts or they meant to write "note". What do you think? In either case, they're wrong. Or from Arkansaw.

With waning funds and an upcoming trip to Mexico, I am getting a little nervous. I am starting to consider buying a two-room house on an acre of land in Costa Rica for less then $5,000 dollars. I could move my butt down there and teach English, play music, date pot-smoking hippies and alcoholics, work on my Spanish, and eat fruit from my fruit trees. The land actually borders an agricultural preserve filled with waterfalls and swimming holes AND it's 15 miles from the ocean. I am getting mighty tempted. The bank might get upset because they won't be getting anymore money out of me - EVER - but, I am sure that I have paid off most of what I borrowed originally - the other $40, 000 is mostly interest. And it's interesting that they call it interest because it's really of no interest to me whatsoever. I could care less about it. I am trying to get the land for Christmas. And if I do - see ya'!

Please don't take any of my quick departure fantasies personally - it's just that I don't like you enough to stay.

But really, I am trying to put down some roots; it's just that it's one step forward and two steps back with my health still. I am grateful for where I am today compared to where I was four months ago, but it's still a struggle. It's one organ at a time and people are still playing around with medications - natural and not so natural - to get me to a point where I can stand on my own two feet again. DING DONG (thought coming in). Ohhhh, so that's why they say the 40s are the new 20s!! Because at forty, you can still find yourself single, getting offered shit salaries, living without health insurance, and unable to live on your own. I get it now. So, it's not just me, right? Right? You aren't answering me. Right? Where are you going? Hey, come back here.

Whatever.

I leave you now to dream a little dream about mango trees and tasty weed.

Ima P. Ode

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