C'mon, You, Get Happy!

This is what I heard in my head this morning on the way to the gym:

Hello, world, here's the song that we’re singin’
C’mon get happeee!
A whole lot of lovin’ is what we’ll be bringin’
We’ll make you happeee!
We had a dream, we’d go travelin’ together,
We’d spread a little lovin’ then we’d keep movin’ on.
Somethin’ always happens whenever we’re together
We get a happy feelin’ when we’re singing a song.
Trav’lin’ along there’s a song that we’re singin’
C’mon get happeee!
A Whole lot of lovin’ is what we’ll be bringin’
We’ll make you happeee!

The Partridge Family!!! Ooohwee, that Keith was HOT, was he not?

And what's all this stuff about being happy? What happened to waking up with Kurt Cobain in my head? Could it be true? Am I finally ready to handle moving on? And is the Partridge Family theme song from seasons 2-4 the typical welcoming song for such an occasion? Wow! Who knew? You? Well, why didn't you tell me?

I think I may finally have my body back - no longer possessed by overdoses of hormones and gut wrenching heartache. I think...dare I say it? Well, I think, just maybe, the storm has passed. Mmhmm. I think that it's time to rebuild the barn, people. I may need some help from the universe and handful of narcotics, but it will get done! Oh yes, it will get done.

It's kind of funny that I feel better today (I only cried two times over "he who shall not be mentioned" and each episode only lasted one minute - hey, hey, who's moving on??? That's right! Pretty soon, I will only be shedding a half tear once a week). You see, yesterday was a complete disaster! I was really off my game. It's a miracle that I didn't burn the house down. I actually burned a hole in my aunt's feather bed comforter. Don't ask! Really, don't ask! I mean, in college, Geri always dried her socks in the microwave and she never set anything on fire! But anyways, after that debacle, I called my aunt to confess and to find out where to order a new one. Feeling tres stupid and guilty, I started to clean the house. I vacuumed, washed their dishes, picked the fleas off the dog, and then started to dust. It only took seconds for me and my Pledge dust cloth to knock over and break a gift ceramic coaster. I called my aunt again to let her know that I was slowly destroying her home. She told me to stop dusting and thought it best if I didn't do any cooking. I decided to leave the house so that I could do no more harm. I thought I was safe once I returned home, sleepy and ready for bed. But, unfortunately, despite my fatigue, I couldn't sleep, so at about 1:30 am, I got up and went to the fridge for some almond butter and honey. This morning, when I got up, I found that the refrigerator door had been left open BY ME and the light inside warmed the food to the point where all of their perishables perished. On the upside, nobody noticed that I had left the heating pad on all day and the fridge is really clean now.

Toot Toot... Ahhh... Beep Beep...non sequitur approaching!!

Question: Which is more annoying - dogs barking or people yelling at the dogs who are barking? If they don't want them to bark (and I don't), then why don't they remove their voice boxes? People with skunks get their stinky old glands removed or something, don't they? Skunks rock, BTW. I think they're beautiful and I like the faint smell of their spray. I do!! It's right up there two-day old urine. A good whiff of either one brings back so many positive childhood memories. Soooo many.

Well, I am on a Pollyanna journey, my friends. I am going to manifest my destiny. According to several authors who have made money off of me and people like me, it is time to only speak positively. There is no more talk of things of which I do not wish to receive. I only speak of that which I do wish to receive. Oh, no, not wish to receive, but intend to receive. That's right. It's my turn now, people. I intend to create it all - the job, the man, the home, the success, the health, and oh - ho, ho, you can bet that project hot body is back on the agenda as well!! Let's do this together, shall we? Let's just say what we want, I mean, intend to create for our lives, and pretend it's true now. I'll go first:

I am a money magnet!

Your turn.

Speaking of which, I have to work on my positive life scripts. You see, it makes sense. If we say what we don't want or we focus on something negative, we bring it into our lives. I said that I did NOT want to work in TESOL, live in Upstate NY, and/or work 40 hours inside a building...and what happened? A 40-hour a week TESOL job in Upstate, NY appeared that very night on my job posting site. I focused on it and it appeared. So, don't think about what you don't like in your life or you don't want in your life. That will only make it happen. Also, if you say you need something, you are focusing on that need and so you never get it. Take starving people, for example, if they keep saying that they need food, then they are creating that constant need for food. See? If they had read the books I read, then they would know that they should stop scrounging for food and start saying, "I have an abundance of food," and then let the universe bring it to them. If they only understood this, they would be fine. So, we don't need to send starving children food, we need to send them these books so that they can manifest their destiny, people! Now who's with me?

No? No one? Not happening?

Well, so be it. I am off to bed then.

Yours truly,

Ima Shell Fisch